American Apparel is soon to open a store in New Haven, and some people around here are really excited. Those people are all 5'3" and weigh 105 pounds.

Today I am wearing the wool skirt I got from the store (that is, the Banana Republic) for something like $10. I think the skirt is sitting where it is supposed to -- that is, at the waist -- or, on me, directly below the breastbone, because, as we know, I don't have a torso. This feels awkward, not only because I've got a waistband sitting under my armpit, but also because of the distinct absence of somebody making fun of me about it. But I'm at work, and nobody at work is going to do that, because they are boring.

You may notice that every complaint or discomfort in my life, no matter the source, is exacerbated by the environment of my workplace, which has no joy in it. It's okay, though -- 34 days until March (application decision month).

"[insert number here] days until March" is my new mantra.